Children's Stories

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN."

A little boy was in a relatives wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).  While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar... So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."

After the mad rush of getting the older children ready for a party and putting the young one to bed for a nap, a harried mother rested her aching head on the cool kitchen table. At this point, she felt the hand of her four-year-old on her shoulder. "What's the matter, Mommy?" he asked sympathetically, "Don't you have anything to do?" 

Jane and Betty were six-year-olds, neighbors and bosom pals. One rainy day they met at Jane's home, but mama screamed as they stomped across her newly scrubbed kitchen floor with their muddy shoes. "Play on the back porch", she commanded. Then she overheard this conversation, Betty: "my mother doesn't care if we get the floor dirty." To which Jane replied: "Gee, I wish I had a nice, dirty mother like yours."

A foreigner said, "You Americans are strange people. You devote one day out of the year to your mothers; and an entire week to pickles."